BeatSaber: Focus Jumpstarter

Over the holiday I decided to purchase an Oculus Quest 2  "for my family."  It turned out to be a surprisingly good purchase and I use it nearly every day.   The best game on it is BeatSaber , a dance-type game where the player uses virtual light sabers to slice colored blocks flying at them while a heavy-base soundtrack keeps the groove.  It took me about 10 seconds to fall in love with the game and I tell everyone that BeastSaber alone makes the Quest 2 worth the price of admission.   But little did I know how much more I could get from it. After the holiday was over it was time to get back to my day job, which I do from home.  One morning,  as happens sometimes, I was having trouble getting started.   Even when taking Adderall, if things are off, if something, like, say- an insurrection at the nation's capitol - were to lure me into my news feeds, then it can be very hard to get into work.   So this particular morning about a week ago, I was struggling to get going. 

Baseline Your ADHD Symptoms To Improve Therapy

How do I know this is going to work? I am a bit obsessive about this question when considering any kind of intervention, but there is something I obsess about even more.   I can research with mainline medical sources such as WebMD or The Mayo Clinic , or dig deep into medical journals, or read the about what we’ve learned from long experience in well-known treatments, but the thing that always bugs me about medical research is that it is a game of percentages.   Even a good treatment might only work on half the people who try it.   Or worse, it might “work” but only make you 10% better.   So, even if I have a good feeling some treatment might work, I still have to ask after the treatment: How do I know what I just did worked for me? When I started seeking professional help for ADHD, I thought long and hard about whether I would start medication.   I tried every habit change, every process I could think of and exhausted those with years of practice before I let myself give drugs a try.

Therapists: I Need Help, but Please Go Away

Therapists have been getting back to me and I don't like facing this choice-.  This feels like setting up a date.   The ones I was most excited about on paper aren't taking new patients and have recommended me to their partners.   Some never returned my email.  Others have contacted me and are rushing into setting up regular appointments when I just want to have a consultation.    People with ADHD, we just want to choose and move forward.  I know this is an important choice, so I'm making myself be careful, but the research quickly becomes overwhelming.  Having therapists come back with even more choices... argh.   At this point I'm inclined to just quit and wait for them to go away, but I'm committed to giving therapy a shot.   On I go.  

ADHD Help Starts With Small Steps

Success begets success.  I wasn't feeling much like writing today, but I just finished sending emails to four local therapists to set up a consultation, so now I'm ready to say a little about that.  I screened out practitioners who appeared to focus on children and looked for statements that felt in line with what I'm feeling and trying to accomplish.  It was pretty easy to find people, but the hardest hurdle is just clicking the "email" button.   After that, it's easy to move forward because they will reach out.    Here are questions I plan to ask them: Tell me about your experience treating adults with ADHD and self esteem issues. What are your thoughts about evidence based treatment? What do you propose for treatment?  How long do you expect to spend on it? I've also been thinking more about changing beliefs.  I had another 1:1 with my manager today  and he helped me come up with some good ideas.   Here's what I have so far: About my employer : I wi

ADHD Game Plan

My subconscious was ablaze last night.  I woke up this morning to long and twisted dreams where I had been hired by Elon Musk to work at one of his companies.  I didn't know what the job entailed or even were my office was located so naturally I felt like an imposter.     That anxious feeling stuck with me through the day.   I noticed it peak during a meeting that wasn't particularly relevant to me, so I was aware of how unproductive I was being.  Not a great way to get back into work after a few days off, but I'm not expecting quick solutions at this point, so I'm simply documenting what happened. Being at the start of this process, I have a lot of ground work to do.  In the interest of that, I have sketched out the following game plan:  Develop a self-talk routine.  This is just good basic cognitive therapy.    For a lot of problems, this is the start and finish of treatment, so I should at least begin working on what I am thinking.   This will be in the form of medi

Time to Face My ADHD Demon

I've known about my ADHD for over 20 years, but today I am finally facing head-on what has probably been the toughest lingering aspect of my condition.  I'm expecting this to be a journey, so please come along for the ride.  Maybe we can help each other. I had a hard talk with my manager yesterday.  If you are a person with ADHD, you've probably had a few of these yourself.   My manager is a good person and he is focused on developing his people.  He gives honest feedback.  The feedback hurts at times, but the thing about hurt is that is shows us a place where I can heal.   Yesterday, I received feedback that after a year at my job, people are noticing I have a hard time focusing on my main work, and this is standing in the way of my progress. Flashback:  A few years ago I was let go from my job at Facebook.   I had worked hard, but the work I took on did not fit my strengths and so my results did not compare favorably with those of my peers at review time.   After two &quo